What Happens When You Become Entitled?

I deserve it. I deserve that job, that life, that watch. Sure, you do.

But, have worked for it?

We expect a high paying job cause we studied our bachelors
We expect success because we struggled in the past


Now, now idealistically that is what we are told that  good things happen to good people.

But.

Absolutely shitty things  can happen to us no matter how good we are, but instead of doing our best we let minor inconveniences get to us.

Nothing ever falls on your lap, well apart from a stripper I suppose but even  for that you need some money.

This entitlement is dangerous territory.

It pushes you to the bounds of self-loathing, unhappiness, whiny little bitches.

Its true I have turned into one in numerous occasions and let us all admit we all have in one occasion or the other.

I never thought, I was an entitled prick, I mean who does? We always assume that entitled are those that are pompous and snobby, those that tie their satin scarfs high up and always look like they are smelling something suspicious in the room.

But. There is a different kind of entitlement that is more damaging than this, the one that lurks in the our deep insecurities, patting our backs when in reality we just need  good kicks in our behind to snap back into reality.

My friends and I were always in these "round table" discussions where they would talk about how their parents never appreciate what they did professionally and I admit I chimed in to.

To my moms defense "Sabaile ta kaam garcha" (everybody works that is not that big of a deal, I used to get hurt by how she blatantly said this out.

Acted all mopy and shit for a while.

But, of late I have identified myself entitled and working towards not being one, so her statement actually makes sense.

You see, when our parents were working they did not have social media to get validation, they were micro managed, they were only ever given accolades based on their performance once in a while with a good job.

What we do ? We want validations like good jobs flying in all day everyday, people have a life man, Susans husband just left her! give her a break she does not want to be jolly today and clap at you coming and doing your job.


Now, this is harsh and some of you may feel a little uncomfortable cause of it but I am saying this because I let  go of far  too many days in my life by saying "people do not appreciate me" damn right they won't.

How many times do you do it?

Appreciate them? Not much I know cause we have a life job, relationships, trips to plan. There s nothing wrong in appreciating it, but not appreciating is also the reality of things. It happens.


So, I today hereby denounce myself from all the entitlement I feel, I am just tired of being whiny.

Yes, many things in your life is not your fault, my broken family definately not my fault but its time I stop piggyback on the fact I had it rough and deserve better and much rather act better, much, much, better.


Its time you stop piggybacking on your damaged past as well which may not be your fault, but good things or rather better things happen to only those who let go of this entitlement that success needs to come for but rather work for it.

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Are you an addict? Here is why you probably are....

What is our generation addicted on?

Are you addicted?

When you think of an addict, you think a meth-head, wonky looking, has not showered, piercing and tattoos all over.

But, what if I told you? You are the addict.
It would catch most of us by surprise, last time I checked none of us were in the backk alleys of a dingy street injecting stuff at each other.

When we do it, its addiction when Kylie Jenner does it, its called fashion. Where was I ?

Yes. What if the addict is you?

What are you addicted to  ? The quick fixes  life, work and relationships present to you.

Let's say you were in a toxic relationship and you guys ended it, but soon you find yourself gravitating towards the same person, missing the moments, the comfort from someone you know that is clearly not good for you.

What do you do? 

Rationally thinking you would avoid contact but if only matters of the heart were rational. The chances are if you are heart broken, you reach out, why do you think there apps to stop us from drunk dialing?

You reach out, you get back and go into the cycle of never ending fights, hate, disgust, break-up .. again and then yup their is your loop.

The book subtle art of not giving an F by Mark Mason makes a valid point. Choose your problems wisely, here is where we lack. We reach out for the quick fixes in life brief comfort for months on end of heart in this case.

The same goes on social media, as most of us are fixated on how good we have it, oh goody! yippydi yea look my thousand dollar watch I did not really buy myself on social media, look how good  I have it, instant likes, validation brief ones and then back to feeling like a no gooder.

The same thing happens at work, we need a constant clapper telling us how good we are doing, how far we have come but the truth is people have lives and they need to get on with it, they can't sit praising you, unless maybe if you are a drug lord then they don't have a choice, but otherwise no they won't and while we look for the quick fixes of appreciation, when it stops coming, life gets boring, work gets boring.

Signs you are an Addict and rely on quick fixes 

Our generation is consumed by a quick hit of validation, with the quick fixes, cause we think their is a possibility of it, the reality however is different.

• For a real relationship, you have to ditch assholes and risk being lonely 
• For work to be meaningful you have to focus on why you are doing it and not for the appreciation of it
• For a thousand dollar watch you probably have to slog away at the office for hours

The above choices also come with their set of issues but they are not quick fixes that give you mild high, they are the acceptance of it, that yes things may suck now but its for a better future. 

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Why I love My Mediocre Life

Go hard or Go home.

I am going home. So much more comfort there.

So my life took a quick 180 turn (are you not glad I didn't say 360 ? ) I did actually and quickly changed it. How quirky am I? Very. This is not an act.

In the light of last year ladies and gentleman please welcome by ADHD once again!2018 Oh! what a year it will be! I am asking.What a year it will be ?

Because, for the first time in my life! I have absolutely no glorified expectations of it. No, me winning at life or having monumental moments.

Well, is that not damaging to yourself? How will you achieve things and goals?

I don't think so, you see the later bit of 2017 was for me all about facing the iffy decisions I made in the beginning of the year, facing the consequences as an adult, which I realized is very different compared to facing it when your family has messed up... and boy oh boy have we. But, that can be some other blog.

Here, this instant I talk to you about leaving out expectations of the future. I get it, the New Year New Me catches on like flu in season change and no matter how much you try you simply cannot shake it off, you get all reflective start thinking that 2018 is your year, try to find meaning, closure.

But, sometimes the only closure you get is of you listening to the closer, Wow! That was bad even for me. 

 Acceptance of the Mediocre 

Let me make the connection here, so I have always been someone who devours self-help books and writes their goals down always hustling always trying to find a way and do something. Any thing! frankly I feel like its a drug but one day everything went to shit and I faced an adult adversity, something in me snapped.

My innate ability to fix it or look for an alternative like I always do became irrelevant when a realization summed my life up, the one that made me realize the mediocrity of it and...

Poof! went my anxiety.
Why?

Because I stopped waiting for my dhantanan moment, the one where Kajol runs for Sharukhan.

I realized at best I would only do a little wiggly walk to catch the bus and that is about it. No, dramatic train run ins, no 3 minute videos on hustling videos to sum up a life time choices and hard work.

Just acceptance of the average events, the average life.

Don't hate on me I love life, in fact the more mediocre I have come to accept it to be, the more amazing it is.

From looking out for extraordinary things has snaped me out of mundanes, it has made me aware of what life really is.

A cup of tea
My granny recalling her dreams and telling it to me in an elaborate manner

More so, of what Life has been for me for the past few years, a series of moments some a little more significant, a roller coaster, filled with pain, failure, acceptance, happiness and contentment (Sometimes all in the same day).

GO Hard or GO Home? Do both if you wish!

 Now, I accept that I don't need to make every moment count,  that everything needs to make sense. I know that I do not need to go "hard" that sounds weird I know cheeky fellows but you get my point.

Life for now is mediocre, is about sleeping in, its about achieving my goals without the expectation of praise or admiration. Its stillness.

It took a lot to except that this time I am not going hard but instead freaking going home, home where comfort lies but boundless opportunities too. If you want it to be ? Why not? Who is going to stop you?

Knowing that you do not need to fancy office to make money

Go out to parties to ring in the new year (although I did and it was fun) but not mandatory.

That life does not always need to be drinking wine in sky scrapers, its really not. When I accepted life as the mundane course of event it is, I must say it pretty darn boring and fabulous.

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Why You Should Un-plan Your Life

I have been a planner, dreamer since I was a child, it was an escape from the mundaness of life, a reality I was not willing to accept.


Which bring me to this year 2017, man! what a year has this been! So many lessons learned, many mistakes made and I am glad.

Here is Why?

Escaping from the mundaness was the main theme of my life, which made me do two very big things.

Jump into things cause I fell in love with the idea
Fight my reality 


When you start dissing the mundaness and start planning these romanticized ideas of your life, the idea stands out more than the actual process does, but fortunately or unfortunately life is at the process y'all not at the end result. You have one result to show at the end but what you lived through? Well, the process? That is where you grew and lived.

And if you didn't accept the process because it was too mundane then when did you live?

I always fell in the romanticised idea of things falling into place!

That was the problem, wanting everything as planned.

But,

 Damn! that is so not how life works out.

Can You Do The CHA-CHA with life?

Life is a loosely based planning done with outcomes in mind that if you persevere backtrack, take detours you will finally reach it and while you detest the journey, that is where the beauty lies.

And as I jumped from one romanticized idea of life onto another a thought thrown at me stopped me in the tracks.

Never fall in the love with the path you chose so much so that you have trouble falling in love anything else. 

You think your parents, elders had it figured out? All planned out? Maybe some did, but did it always go to the plan ? Nope. Rarely.  They improvised.

And let me tell you it feels good to improvise.

When You Improvise 

Faliures seem more like lessons 

Detachment feels more like Awanerness 

and the MOST Important one!

Mundaness feels beautiful

So, even though the plan is always to reach a goal or a vision the heart  always lies in the detour ?


Here are few exercises you can do to help you deal with your detour:

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How Anita's Knee Injury Can Save Your Life

The Devestation of the Injury 

It was dibilitating, twisting and turning she clenched her knee, the pain raced down her back her entire body and she saw herself shut down, was she hurt? Yes.


The pain started from her knee and spread all over, she was trying to control it and ignore but just couldn't.


Honestly, she did not want to burden anyone. At times, the paint took shot at multiple parts of her body but she continued, she did not want people to know, what if they thought she was acting up for NO REASON?

Self- Doubt and Self Loathing 

Was it a decietful act? Was she needy for attention? She was not but wondering if people thought so scared her from taking any action.


Somedays, the pain was mild almost not existent, she would go on her day without a glinch, get-together with friends? She was there. Errands? All done. She was on top of her game those days.


And then, somedays she just was not. Everything took extra effort, getting off her bed, dressing up was a task. She smiled and tried to ignore her excruciating pain, angry and confused she wondered if it was all in her head? Was she just lazy, over emotional or unstable?


She kept all these racing thoughts to herself scared of what people might think of her, the judgements and lables, what would they be? Would they think I was weak?


 Then one day she just could not take it. When living became an option and not a neccessity, she knew what to do.

She dialed a number, "Hello, Can I speak to your therapist?" 

On the other line

"What is this for?" 

Acceptance 

She after years of denial, of trying to shove motivational quotes and ted talks to try and out run this, win this became totally vulnerable.

"I need help, I can't eat, sleep, think. I feel like I may have depression." 

There. She said it. Cause you and I both know a knee injury would not cause so much resentment and confusion. A knee injury would have no stigma.

So, here it is, a simple plea. Just like Anita, start to understand that physical and mental issues are factors that affect our biological exisistence.


It is not made up or all in the head, it is sometimes genetic or hormonal. It is sometimes due to trauma or injury. It is not just "in the head" or cause of someone being "lazy".


If we had a knee injury and realized it was affecting your overall well-being we go to the doctor then why not do do the same thing for your mental health?


Disclaimer: I am not a medical practioner, just someone who believes in mental health and well-being.


Happy reflecting! and Accepting. Ain't nothing wrong with asking for help!

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The Power Of Understanding That Sometimes It Will Not Make Sense

So, I am not proud of this but I was big on romance novels until I realised most thrived on idealistic views of love and life.

 I loved the idea of the climatic scene where things would go wrong and fall magically back in place in the preceeding chapters.

Unfortunately, this distorted a large part of my reality......

.......... and perhaps yours too.

Embrace the No-Sense (Not a grammatical error)

Regardless, which gnere you read normally books have a  whimsical touch that makes you wonder, reflect and unfold. The story comes effortlessly together and it all makes sense for the most part.

However, the reality is slightly different or in this case a whole lot different.

The truth is, sometimes it really really won't make sense and while I look back on the things that has gone down and we all have them, the ones that make your pupil dialect and go Yikes, yes  those moments.

What followed was not clarity or whimsical endings, Nope. But, a whole lot of okay none of that made sense.

Why does the hardworker fall behind ?
You not get the recognition you deserve? 
Why does bad things happen to good people?
Why did she leave the good guy?


Trying to make sense of all of it can be as tiresome as experiencing them, so while we wait for the melocholic closure that may never come

we wait, wait to eventually find out that sometimes things are not meant to make sense or come togther, sometimes its all about falling apart and not needing to understand why or when.

Letting go of the past renditions in which we live, trying to find profound meanings in intense past events we play in our head. Maybe, its time to let go, maybe the only thing you were supposed to know from it, you ready for this?

1 2 3 is to Let Go............

The only thing that makese sense? Letting go of the things that  doesn't make sense.

So, you ready lets do this together.

You and I.
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2
3
4
5

Repeat after me. Sometimes it won't make sense and it is not my job to make any sense of it.

Really, its not. And as we read this last line lets make it whimsical, let's...........................(okay, that was all I could do)


Have great day or night (wink wink) was that too much? The wink I mean I was trying something, maybe it makes no sense? See, what I did there. I think we can all agree that you have had enough of me today so go and  Embrace the no-sense!

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Being Worthy and Being Qualified Are Different Things

What does it mean to be worthy ?

You might say….

A relevant CV could mean for you to be worthy of the job ?

A relevant college essay could be that you are worthy of enrolment in the program ?

A relevant life choice makes you worthy of a better life?

Lets stop right there. Because what we have here is a classic mix-up, the one where you intentionally or unintentionally mix- up two very importantly different categories, which ones you say? Worthiness and Qualification.

You are qualified for the job cause of the CV you built, you are qualified for that college because of the essay but you are worthy of both even if you don’t have outstanding records.

You are worthy of having everything you want because you just are.

I am going to use classic Nepali examples

Yes, you guess it Ram and Hari to demonstrate this.

Ram and Hari had the same childhood, dysfunctional family, poor grades well in general life was a messy.

However,

Ram always believed that despite of what he went through he was worthy of good things in life, which led him to aiming at better decision because he just knew he deserved a better life.

Hari on the other hand because of his poor grades believed that he was not worthy of better choices in life, he mulled over the past and believed that he was deemed unworthy of a good life, which made him stagnant and deviate for something that he could settle for, away from what he actually wanted to do. 

Who do you think was happier?

Now, for the longest time I had a similar mix-up, I waited for my qualifications and my achievement to validate me, make me feel worthy.

And, I am not proud of this and you won’t be either sometimes I used peoples validation to feel worthy too.

Which sucked, cause quite frankly peoples view of you is constantly changing and so is the validation they provide.

Similarly, life is never a steep-up curve is it? It has those bumps, you know the ones in relationships, work, health so when we are wedged between these crannies should we just deem ourselves unworthy?

You all will give me a resounding No but the truth is we usually do this, use the externals to deem ourselves not unworthy.

We use our past incidents that we had no control over be used as our benchmark for worthiness.

But, ask yourself this how many times have you let the idea that you are not worthy of something stop you from achieving something you want?

Lack of qualification can be fixed, you can simply learn that skill and get qualified.

But, how will you convert your unworthiness to worthy?

Through peoples words or your achievements?

How far can external validation work when it has been one of the main reasons for many people feeling dissatisfied?

So, what you need to realize and what took me perhaps years to realise is despite your past or the fear you may have the future, you are always worthy of the good things in life. Always.

You are worthy cause you are human, yup that is it. No other pretext needed, you check boxes, none.

You deserve all good things cause you are worthy. You are worthy cause you just are.

Side note: You deserve love and joy without the pain. (Some of you clicked with this did you not?) You are welcome!

Happy winter guys!

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