Why I love My Mediocre Life

Go hard or Go home.

I am going home. So much more comfort there.

So my life took a quick 180 turn (are you not glad I didn't say 360 ? ) I did actually and quickly changed it. How quirky am I? Very. This is not an act.

In the light of last year ladies and gentleman please welcome by ADHD once again!2018 Oh! what a year it will be! I am asking.What a year it will be ?

Because, for the first time in my life! I have absolutely no glorified expectations of it. No, me winning at life or having monumental moments.

Well, is that not damaging to yourself? How will you achieve things and goals?

I don't think so, you see the later bit of 2017 was for me all about facing the iffy decisions I made in the beginning of the year, facing the consequences as an adult, which I realized is very different compared to facing it when your family has messed up... and boy oh boy have we. But, that can be some other blog.

Here, this instant I talk to you about leaving out expectations of the future. I get it, the New Year New Me catches on like flu in season change and no matter how much you try you simply cannot shake it off, you get all reflective start thinking that 2018 is your year, try to find meaning, closure.

But, sometimes the only closure you get is of you listening to the closer, Wow! That was bad even for me. 

 Acceptance of the Mediocre 

Let me make the connection here, so I have always been someone who devours self-help books and writes their goals down always hustling always trying to find a way and do something. Any thing! frankly I feel like its a drug but one day everything went to shit and I faced an adult adversity, something in me snapped.

My innate ability to fix it or look for an alternative like I always do became irrelevant when a realization summed my life up, the one that made me realize the mediocrity of it and...

Poof! went my anxiety.
Why?

Because I stopped waiting for my dhantanan moment, the one where Kajol runs for Sharukhan.

I realized at best I would only do a little wiggly walk to catch the bus and that is about it. No, dramatic train run ins, no 3 minute videos on hustling videos to sum up a life time choices and hard work.

Just acceptance of the average events, the average life.

Don't hate on me I love life, in fact the more mediocre I have come to accept it to be, the more amazing it is.

From looking out for extraordinary things has snaped me out of mundanes, it has made me aware of what life really is.

A cup of tea
My granny recalling her dreams and telling it to me in an elaborate manner

More so, of what Life has been for me for the past few years, a series of moments some a little more significant, a roller coaster, filled with pain, failure, acceptance, happiness and contentment (Sometimes all in the same day).

GO Hard or GO Home? Do both if you wish!

 Now, I accept that I don't need to make every moment count,  that everything needs to make sense. I know that I do not need to go "hard" that sounds weird I know cheeky fellows but you get my point.

Life for now is mediocre, is about sleeping in, its about achieving my goals without the expectation of praise or admiration. Its stillness.

It took a lot to except that this time I am not going hard but instead freaking going home, home where comfort lies but boundless opportunities too. If you want it to be ? Why not? Who is going to stop you?

Knowing that you do not need to fancy office to make money

Go out to parties to ring in the new year (although I did and it was fun) but not mandatory.

That life does not always need to be drinking wine in sky scrapers, its really not. When I accepted life as the mundane course of event it is, I must say it pretty darn boring and fabulous.

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If ever the fear of embarrassment has stopped you from doing something… (Read this)

Sam was not the most fortunate of boys, or that’s what he thought.

What are your limiting beliefs ?

Sam was nifty and clever, he was an average student or so he thought, he wanted to study finance despite his efforts he was not being able to score, he blamed his family, his life, his situation for it. But he had the books, a pen, shelter and food to keep him going. Sam had the resources, he just did not have the beliefs.

Sam never thought he could do as well as his friends in software designing, when he started getting interested in computers, it was too late or so he thought. He thought he would make loads of mistakes embarrass himself, so he stopped trying all together. Sam could see the future. Or so he thought.

Sam was an outgoing person, one day a teacher approached him to MC in an event. He said MCing is not for me, do not get me wrong he wanted to do it. Just that the initial fear of embarrassing himself was much much much stronger than his ability to realize perhaps his secrets wishes to become a media personality could become true because of it. Sam thought MC is not for him…so he thought and he thought and he thought…alot of things. Adding to his list of limiting beliefs.

 Sam knew that he could not do or be a lot of things before trying. No, he did not have a time machine to see the outcome of his actions, nor he could not see the future, but he still believed his limiting beliefs so much so that now it became his reality. A reality that would keep him safe from embarrassment or so he thought. He knew this because he saw others fail and succeed and the fear of failure was much greater than the joy of proving yourself wrong. The stakes were high; he would refrain from doing anything he thought he could not do. Because that is so much easier than trying, sure Sam will never try new things, he will never fail, he will never know what it is like to prove you wrong. He will only remember that he never embarrassed himself for trying, because that is the biggest thing in this world for anybody. Or so he thought. 

Be like a kid, get involved

As kids we are so involved in everything, but as we grow we believe that we need to stick to what we know, because of the fear of embarrassment. That is what we are protecting ourselves from the small, mere, silly  chance of embarrassment and in return forgetting our wishes or dreams ? How are you supposed to be better at something when the first chance of you not mastering it, you give up? Is mastery and innate talent the only way you get something in life? Does practice not count? It does. We are just too afraid to practice cause out of every 1000 practice, we might fail and embarrass ourselves once. And that is not worth it right?

Brain teaser: What was the most embarrassing thing someone else did ?

Now, here is a brain teaser for you: What was the most embarrassing thing you did in your life? Here comes the long list of cringe worthy times. Now, here is another question “what was the most embarrassing thing someone else did?” This is hard is it not? Why is that? It is because people essentially are selfish beings; we care for others but not as much as we care for ourselves. We think a lot about “how someone perceives us”, but rarely about " how others perceive others”. Its simple people may laugh at your embarrassment and failure but they will not consider you important enough to remember it.

Morale of Sam’s story is emerge from that limiting belief you have held on to, as ground breaking as it may sound no one cares if you embarrassed yourself. Was that mean? Sometimes the truth hurts. 

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Why You Are Powerful

Yes you,
you that is sitting in the chair slummed,
Yes You,
you that has been on Facebook for half an hour
Yes you,
You who think about what life has become lately
Yes you,
you who is unsure about you
Yes you,
who had a bad day
Yes you,
who question your choices daily
Yes you,
who got your life in pieces
Yes you,
You who live in the past
Yes you,
you who are scared of the future
Yes you,
You are Powerful more than you can imagine.

Sometimes, we stop doing what we should be doing mid way because it did not have enough impact. While people like you are having their names in Forbes list and establishing companies, the best you did was show up to class or work. The best you did was just live an average life. But, you forget something here, you did something more, a whole lot more. You made people smile, you distracted distressed people with small talk, you got jealous over someones accomplishments and reminded your self that you have feelings. You did something just because and noticed the ability to choose, you sympathized, you loved, you played with your  dog and rescued him/her from obesity, you took charge of your life. You lived a day not knowing if you will have the next and yet you did not stop breathing. You did not give up. The future although scares you, it did not kill your will to live. And even if you had thoughts of ending your life for some reason you did not because you are powerful. Because you chose to live. Yes, you.

The life today may not have been what you had been hoping for, but you choose to dream regardless. You choose to live life even if it is mundane in your standards you choose to keep breathing, keep moving, keep feeling because You are Worth it Your existence in this world, is your power what you do every moment is a reminder of how powerful you are. You have the power to save lives, you have the power to inspire, you have the power to educate, you have the power to create a community that you love. YOU ARE POWERFUL. 

You may not be the richest, smartest although these two words can be veered into many things rich with what? what kind of smart? what is smart? what is rich?, but one thing is true you are powerful. Power in choice, power in living and power in simply existing.

This post is for those moments where you feel hopeless and moments when you do not. This post is for you to realize that power does not always mean materials. Power comes from within. As I read the pages of the book "Have a little faith" I found power in 3 sentences, it moved me to tears, three sentences about giving back was power. Everything and anything you do today and the rest of the days is power. Know that you are power, what you are doing is powerful, what you are feeling is powerful, you deserve power. YOU ARE POWER.   

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The time I learnt to be a Superhero again..

Do you remember the days you spent using your moms shawl around your neck as a cape. 

The way you would fight the evil monsters who tried to eat your cookies or maybe went on a dangerous expedition where the couch was your only friend whilst you jumped around to save yourself from boiling lava?

When I was 3 years old  people asked me what do I want to be when I grow up,  I told them a model, doctor and a truck driver people laughed rejoiced in my answer day in and day out.

Grade 4 my teacher told me I could not draw.

Grade 2 my teacher told me that I was not strong to play football.

Years went on and strangely more people started telling me what I can and cannot do.

 From that day onwards I never truly believed I could play football. I was convinced I could never draw so my drawing books of crooked figurines were wrapped up and put in the storage.

I always liked the idea of a superhero or super heroine, how they lived double lives. How they could do what they wanted to do (so I thought).

Soon enough.

The “you cannot draw” turned into “ I cannot draw”

The “you are not strong enough” turned into “I am not strong enough”

The “you cannot write in English” turned into “I am not good in writing”

Somehow other people decided what I am. They decided what I could and could not do.

The reality I chose was chosen by people who did not even know me. They did not know I would stay up all night thinking of writing pieces, they did not know that I once dreamt of starring in a movie like bend it like beckham, they did not know that I want to have my clothing line in the future. THEY DID NOT EVEN KNOW ME, yet I let them decide.

I stopped believing that I am a super hero and could do anything I put my mind and soul into. Instead I became this reality that I myself did not believe.

It took a lot of reminder, to remind myself that this is not my reality. My grade 4 self will thank me now. It took sleepless nights of questioning and more days of trying to figure out who I truly am. I am the reality I chose to be. I am the person I want to be. I am not a teachers comment, I am not what other people tell me I am.

It is hard for everyone growing up, you are constantly pinned down by words, sentences that you do not believe to be true yet you accept. You choose a reality readily given to you instead of digging deeper to find out what truly should be YOU. 
  


Photo credit: pin interest 

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What to do when you are feeling lost ?

One of my recent conversations with my dear one started.

"I feel so lost what do I do?"

"I do too, it’s okay it’s a part of life"

"What do you mean you are older than me I expected that when I was your age I would have figured shit out"

I paused.

" I thought I would be beyonce by then"

"It does not work that way"

"So how does it work?"

"You make the most of what you have"

Inner dialogue

The last time I truly felt satisfied and happy with myself was ... well I can’t think of a time Maybe its 

 

Calls friend mid thought:

“Those were the days she says reminiscing her uni life”

It caught me off guard.

"But you hated uni"

"I hate working more"

I curled up in a ball and rocked back and forth. So is this my "good time", is it going to suck after this? Or like my dear one said every day is this?

Is it just that simple, so you never truly feel found? We were brought in this world and we did not know who we are. Religion, behaviour all cultivated over time. You started hating something while loving something else. Your taste buds and your beliefs adjusted. But did you ever form this on your own? No. People around you influenced and you followed making the best of the situation.

Maybe my friend was right.

Maybe it is not about being found maybe it is about living life.

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How to Stop caring about what others think of you

Hi World,

I  love a big serving of rice, yes I am Asian. But honestly would I give up food for a day to not care. Probably, because that would mean  actually living the posts I shared on instagram.

This is how you stop caring about what others think of you 
You think of all the things you could do if you Stopped. 

 If I were to give up a day of eating to  embrace  my quirky personality
Even if I ran into my judgmental friend I would openly feel the way I feel,
Without second guessing my self
If today the validations of people did not matter
 I would be  intelligent and amazing
 Not because someone told me,
but because I knew
 If today I was a no F***giving person then I suppose I would
Wear that outfit I always planned to wear
Start my own business because why not
Be proud of who I am
How smart and beautiful I am
Because Today I do not give an F about what you think,
Today its all about What I think

So, What would you do  If today you could stop caring?

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