Tuesday, August 1, 2017

Chips Chilly or Aloo Dum? What kind of Nepali Are You & Does it Matter?





The standard food ordering for any Nepali consists of momo, some kind of chilli and a fried starch.

Hence, on one particular day just like most times,  my friends and I ensued in the standard proceedings of ordering food

1.Chicken momo
2. Chips Chilli
3. Chicke....fooled you, we decided to go with something a little different and went with Veg fried rice this time. Everyone likes change.


But today as we were going with standard checklist of food and about to wrap up a friend from the corner yelled out " Dai euta aloo dum". We all looked at him  kind of amused by this, although a  not so strange addition to the usual ordering it rather a small deviation from the standard. 

If you don't know by now my love for food is endless and hence my friends and I welcome this addition with open arms.

Is the comparison making you hungry? Okay. Okay. I will get to the point.

Now, in life a friend may not take the path of aloo dum but instead his/her difference in choice could be in the life he leads, the outfit she wears and the way  they live.

While Aloo dum is welcoming, him embracing is sexuality or passion may not be.

You may not understand it or find his way of life worthy of acceptance.

And, while the potato chilli or aloo chilli debate is not as debatable, how someone lives their life
certainly becomes one.

 For generaaaaaationnnnnsss we have heard insert annoying aunty voice "What will people think?" and diligently obliged to the unforeseen rules and costs of just being ourselves.

The cost ? It can range from back handed comments to honor killing. Killing just because the society fails to accept or understand their choices.






And although acceptance and respect something all of us deserve it becomes the hardest to give and what ensues as a result? Judgement.

Judgement we pass on the good decision and the bad.
On the passionates and the passives
On the dreamers, the non-dreamers and the doers
On the living and the dead

We  let judgement take over and go after those who tried loaded mash potato instead of the chips chilly or even those who do not like potatoes at ( Yes, there are people who do not like potatoes. I know. Unbelievable).



The point here is, potatoes on the side or no potatoes at all when judging someone for their food sounds unusual, why doesn't judging someone who is simply trying to do their best life?  







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Sunday, July 23, 2017

If you have ever felt judged read this.......





Judgement takes an instant to make, you may have made one looking at this post just now. While having a judgement is fairly common, when it is directed towards you and challenges your beliefs and life choices it can be extremely life consuming and difficult to swallow. Why? Because you are at crossroad now, wanting to change the perception of the someone who judged you and annoyed for their right to.

If only there is way to get out of this.

What if I told you there is?


A few years ago I had gone to a Mata (the enlightened) woman many of us go to perhaps to make sense of our unforeseeable future,  she put 3 grains of rice on her hands looks up at me and me and says.

" You will have a good future ahead, but you need be careful as people may misunderstand you."


At that moment what she said had rung true and I gleamed in gratitude for I had found someone who truly understood me. As a young girl who was bullied for 2 years straight, I was extremely conscious of how people perceived me.

Constantly worried of how my actions were interpreted, it did not help that I had the resting bitch face to go with it.

When Mata told me what I already knew, it became my "Yes! Yes! Yes!" moment I know how you read that you cheeky fellow, but quite frankly to have been understood so deeply by someone when I felt alone was everything to me.

Hence, I took her advice seriously and did my very best and became extraaaaaa careful of not being misjudged. However, soon I realized  what that meant.

- Doing nothing
-Saying nothing

Going against my natural state of expressing was hard and soon went to bust when some tried to pick a fight with me cause I looked mean.

Now, I could try and change a lot of my behavior to not get judged but I only had this one face was and I was not ready to give that.

So, I gave up trying not to be misjudged and instead tried understood why people judged only to find out way not to give a F*** when they did.




1. People change all the time:


People and perception change all the time, it depends on your actions, their mood, their current state and so much more. Whether it is acceptance or rejection towards you, the whole point of holding on to what people think of you too tight seems mindless because when the perceptions are so fleeting why shouldn't your emotion attached to the perception be aswell?







2. It is not their job



Why do people try to do well in their jobs, due to incentives. Incentives that come in various forms; social standing, money, a sense of self worth and more. But, what incentive do they have to not make a judgement about you? None or very little. I guess you know where I am going with this, with freedom speech and no taxation on judgement, people be making it left and right.


3. Face the reality


As much as writing inspiring things motivates people, there should always be a strong ring of honesty in what is being said. And the reality sadly is that sometimes people will simply not get you, no matter how  hard you may have tried to make them understand.Its neither their fault or yours, but a clash between beliefs, nurture and nature that affects it all. So face it, you will piss off people in your life time, and people will you piss you off.

Some people will not get you and you wont get them.

Lastly.

4. Cliche Advise still holds true : Get Over It! 


I know its too cliche to use this over and over again but just get over it, one opinion or even a million does not seem to be worth losing out or giving in on being the person you intent to be and while this is not a free pass to act mean and rude it is a pass to take breather and just do what you need to without the overrated idea that people need to get you because the truth of the matter is sometimes they will and sometimes they won't.






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Thursday, July 13, 2017

Having Passion can destroy you ...............here is why.....





The blogging hiatus stops here and now We Talk. A lot of the times suffering is silent and I would say mine is to, amidst all the going ons I lost my sense of self and my willingness to write. What came so naturally did not anymore, none of it did and that is why I decided take a break from it.

What bothered me more than anything in this time was my inability to understand how I may have just outgrown the thing I love, my passion, my love for writing.

It was not some terrible incident that led me to stop my writing mid clasps (of the keyboard) I should explain I have a fairly old laptop so every time I type it gives of that typewritery sound. Yes,
I shall choose to believe its a word and shall use it profusely. Coming back, my reasons to stop what I love doing did not come from any distress, it simply arrived without notice and took away something special to me.

And here is where I talk about passion and what the world never told me about it:


LET'S TALK ABOUT PASSION BABY! 

How I thought it worked :

Having passion meant you beep your way through it like a road runner,
I believed passion just came from within, it needed no persistence,
and while I may sound slightly naive for this I also believed having passion made things easy, I believed every motivational poster out there that took 5 minutes to make which stated that those who had passion had it all, that it was passion that was the key to everything.


Boy! was I dead wrong!!


What Passion really is? 

Passion is just a spark, for it to turn into fire people refer to so much,  it needs goes through a complicated process of the hard, slow, fast and easy stages of cultivation and nurture.


Passion is the pizza dough, if you don't work hard enough you may just end of up with bread. But, for it to become the cheesy goodness that it is, you need ingredients just like for passion to STAY and Passion to grow you need energy and commitment.



Passion takes work and it can be emotionally draining, it forces you to make choices, one that either leads you to opportunities or de-tracks you from it.

Think of the one thing that you were passionate about in the past?
Ask yourself this: Why did you stop?

Because the world gave us this idealized version of what passion is and without complaints we took it.

We believed that passion is the burning drive that pushed us to keep going, while we forgot that we are humans and we need to refuel, get our energy, that unlike things in the movies it does take time for passion to grow.

While the worlds version of passion might motivate us for a second, it is our understanding of how passion actually works that will keep us growing.


Therefore, let's broaden our idea of what Passion is and how it works:

Passion works when you have the determination
It works when you revive it, nurture it, accepting that just passion may not be enough
Passion sometimes can feel more like a chore than an exciting expedition
And,
passion sometimes means losing it and then working hard to get it back because you know its important for you.

As I sit here slouching in my couch working hard to bring my passion back I tell you to give your
 long forgotten passion projects or life choices one last push, give it time and understand that passion is not a blazing fire but a slight spark that needs nourishment to grow.




Have a lovely rest of the day people!










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Wednesday, May 17, 2017

The timeliners





So when are you getting married?

When are you getting your masters?

When are you getting that new job?

When. When. When.

These questions or rather questions like these are forever imposed on us. Quiet frankly we impose them on ourselves too and with time the questions change aswell. No one knows exactly why we do it,  sometimes its because our friends are doing the exact same thing. Or its the "right thing" to do.

And I agree there are certain things you have to do in order to go somewhere or be something. Your life will not get any momentum unless you make changes and decide to move wherever, no I don't mean take your coffee from the kitchen and sit in the couch! No No!

What I mean is, sometimes life choices are hard but needed if you want that extra cash, if you want your own business, if you want whatever you want. It won't just drop on your lap.....unless you want rain and even then you need to sit outside! But, what happens when these timelines come in between what you want to do and what you are supposed to do?

You guessed it. We get stressed. Now, I would have to admit that this generation perhaps is the most stressed generation of all times and it is for a number of reasons but more so because its so easy to compare yourself with someone. Now you can compare yourself with someone in the other side of globe, people you don't even know, people you may never meet. Times were simpler when it was just your bitchy aunty comparing everyone was it not? Well, that is life, with the good of  being connected there comes a whole lot of comparing.


But, how do we stop these ? Stop ourselves from turning into ticking time bombs.

Learn patience :

So here is what I tell you. When stressed forget the rest. Forget what your far cousin is doing and when he did it. Forget what your best friend is doing and when he did it. The truth is we all are so busy trying to be the timeliners we forget the one thing needed for us to do well, which is  patience.

We get impatient and we quit, we get impatient cause we compare.
Impatience is perhaps the one thing that stops you from being great at what you do. Left guitar after 2 lessons, left dance classes after 3. You get my point? To get better you need time and patience both of which you won't have time for if you are simply comparing yourself.

Know your future:

Now its true you can't quite know what is in the future but everyone can assume where they will go by looking at where they are. We lie and say tomorrow we will do it, but its the habits of today that will make you. So, instead of racing against time, make it friend and work with. Use time well, use effort and energy well.


Get crazy confused :

Get confused, figure it out, take time out because kya pata kal ho na ho... I just had to. Now, let me tell you why its best to not race against the time but rather take the time. The answer is simple choices.

Your choices make or break you. What you did a few years ago shaped you. I know its daunting and not ideal but it better to know that you took your time to figure it out. A friend once told me "No one will never know you took a year off in 5 years." No one cares. You shouldn't too, stop doing what you are unsure of doing simply because you want to do something.  That was english my friends take it in. I am not even going to edit that cause it makes sense to me and you won't remember this in the next 5 years. So, Hah! jokes on you.


Now, I am not saying that you need to ninja chop your way into living life in your own terms and time. Maybe start small like budgeting out the vacation you always wanted to go to but never had the time, or that dress you always wanted to wear but was not "in style". For once listen to me or to Nike and Just do it! (in your own time) Start small and built big. Like many say "Rome was not built in a day" because it takes Time to built it! Duh.


Lots of love people with potential. I hope this post touched you where it matters (no pun intended) cause everyone needs a blog awakening sometimes ;)







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Sunday, March 19, 2017

The left-overs







Have you ever scrammed to the kitchen and whipped up something in a hurry? Has it turned out so good that you were actually surprised? Well, I am that small mountain of rice sitting at the far end of your refrigerator waiting to be turned into some scrumptious fried rice. No, I am not into something weird and this not my attempt at dirty talk.

I am like most of you just a  left-over in life. Let me explain what I mean by this.

Your vital years start in school, this is when people truly put there judgement on you. Are you smart? Naught? Funny?  Well the left-overs are a mixture of all but not quite a star in any. Which means that if we got lost in a school trip it would take them a good 2 days to realise that we were missing. Ouch. Maybe not that bad but you get the picture.

We in the quintessential sense never shined, may have in little tiny groups or in the corner of our houses but never bright enough to wow people with our intelligence or charisma, we were also not built to shine bright (this was humor. I know it was a bad one. quit judging me susan.)

We were the scraps of life that are left behind often a mix of plain rice or some achaar no one bothered to touch at the party. 

Not being picked stung at times, I mean questions would cross your mind, is it the way I look? smell? Why was I picked last or not celebrated like the rest of the people around me, am I not good enough?

Becoming a left over in school meant a lot of things in life it meant going to the average university and meeting average expectations.  I mean how much can a leftover aloo ko chaar really wow you?
Infact if you served left over to your guests they might actually be offended.

Don't get me wrong I did try to be picked first, I seasoned myself and even if I was the plate of plain rice I  tried to be the best god damn plate of rice there is. However, it was exhausting all I really wanted to be was a plate rice act plain and still be treated special cause people understood my value. The added effort seemed unfair as others were celebrated for being just themselves. Why couldn't I be celebrated for being a left over?



But it all changed one day.
The faithful day of ........(I am that person who doesn't remember dates or birthdays apologies in advance) well yes one fine day I ran (yes ran I do take food very seriously) to my kitchen and grabbed a plate of left over rice. I was hangry and 2 minutes away from turning into the furious hulk. I tossed that plate of rice, some veggies and improvised other things to whip up the most delicious tasting fried rice there is, sure it was not spectacular but it did the job. Stopped my hulk transformation.

That day I realized the importance of being a leftover, our job was not to shine through, it was to be there and help when needed. We provided security and comfort, we made an impact even after the big finish.


So here is to us, we may not be the first to get picked but we are still worthy, we may not have gone to the best schools but we are still capable. We may have not impressed everyone in the room but we can still leave a lasting impression. We may not have been the first momo to get picked out but we still made for a bomb tasting left over Kothey.


Cheers to all of you left-overs, even when the situation did not demand it you rose to the occasion. You tried even when no one noticed.  



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Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Why Self-love is over-rated ?







You know what? Can I say it? You won't pounce on me if I do? I think Self love is over-rated. There I said it.

WHY ?

Well for instances there have been more times I have worried that I don't #Selflove myself than of times where I actually truly dislike myself. What? Has GWP lost it, nope. Well maybe a little, but haven't we all at one point.

What I mean is the pressure to love yourself and your flaws is so high right now that I feel my tinniest inclination of not feeling myself some days will ring the alarm for all the people who use #Slay #Self-love way too much on their instragram to come and pounce on me.

And frankly I can't be the only one feeling this. There are days when I feel fiery hot! Maybe not fiery but then that could also be cause I just ate 5 hot wings in one sitting but honestly some days everything works out. Your hair is on point, you are not bloated (that is the dream btw if you didn't know)and basically you embody the crown emoji with all its glory.

And then... there are days when your hair doesn't sit right, last night momo has left you feeling like one and well your nose ain't right and let me not start with the right side of your right eye! And before we label this as feminist or a woman thing let me just tell you that men have to bare the burden of looking great all the time aswell. And what is with looking tamed and like a wilder beast at the same time, when did that become a thing?

Anyhoo, ( this is my sad attempt at transition. Pardon by Fren....English!)

I am an avocado by nature which means neither can I say I am curvy and I love it, or walk a Victoria secrets ramp any time soon but the pressure I put on myself with the added pressure of wannabe feminist ad campaigns telling me to fix my flawless self gets to me. Why can't you be real and just go "Girl your hair is nasty, Go take wash it with Pantene Pro... whatever" ?

You can't do that cause no one would buy our product! Screams an overly worked marketing manager from somewhere. I feel you.

 Pantene won't say that because we like things that are  insincere in the most genuine way. We want you to believe a whole bunch of things even we ourselves don't believe in.

Times like these I wonder if Einstein sat in his chair going " Damn! I wish I had Shea butter up in this hair I need some serious moisturizing." God! How ignorant of thegirlwithpotential to boil down a genius into someone with body insecurities. To that I say, "Were you his friend? Did you see what he did alone in his bed room? " No? Alright then let me believe that Einstein had body issues cause damn right you and everyone in here needs to believe that he did, that even the great falter when it comes to poorly styled hair!

The world is changing from the collectivist that we were to now appreciating the dare devils the free thinkers, to now loving the the individualist. But, the funny part about being free thinkers and individualist is we have still not been able to shake of the collectivist in us, we want people to be themselves but only if they are  are the exact themselves we like; even when celebrating the imperfections we wanted it to be celebrated with perfection.

An avocado woman like myself can't go ugh I feel utterly disgusting today, nope. You have to embrace the avocado, be the avocado, eat the avocado.....Okay getting hungry. You get my point. Basically the new wave of Self love has hit us so hard that no one dare speak about what they dislike about their bodies or themselves because that in itself is self destructive, but is not internalizing all of this and crying in the room alone at night worse?

And as I sit here letting my double chin loose for wherever it hopes to go cause I sure as hell am not moving from this couch, I want you to tell you to let go aswell, let go of the pressure that you have to be a certain way, that you have take all the advices thrown at you, that you have to be perfect in all aspects.

You don't have to be the epitome of self-love just because you are a millennial. Educate yourself, but don't fester over it and insecurely promote positive body image on your social media page when in the loneliness of your home you still sometimes feel kind of ugly, its okay everyone does! Einstien did! or so I hope. Label Self-love the way you want to, for me its a celebration of good health not an insentience need to be perfect all the time.


With that sassy and salty post I wish you all a very happy Valentines day! It's all about you! 
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Wednesday, February 1, 2017

If you have ever been scared to do anything in life......(Read this)






I am a nervous flyer but this only started happening up until a few years ago and fear is intense especially if the airports I am flying out from is cold and has nothing to do a.k.a Tribhuwan International Airport. However, thank you for the upgrades in the bathroom and toilet papers! Much needed.

 Now, I am not saying that I cannot go through the entire airport experience with a little tiny smirk and annoying eye rolls at the immigration, but I do have my little doubts of fear here and there when my mind gets the best of me or when the plane boogies in mid air. Come to think of it, I think most of us experience this.

FEAR IS FOR THE WEAK? SAY WHAT!!! 

I have grown like many in an environment in which being scared is immensely discouraged and considered inhuman almost, hence my fear of flying and therefore the acknowledgement of it always felt like a thing I was not supposed to do simply because it meant coming across as someone who was not as adventurous or fun. We all do this, judge someone bold enough to openly admit their fear, and praise those that say things like "Fear are for the weak or face your fear! ", masssiveeeee eye roll because this does not apply to everything! You would not be saying that if a tiger was chasing you. The point here is little fear is necessary cause when a tiger comes at you, you run. If you were stupid enough to think fear is for the weak, you would just sit there and face it eventually becoming its dinner. 


AMYGLADA GOT YOUR BACK! 


The need for fear is so important that our brain has a primitive region called amygdala that reminds us the potential risk each situations and stops us from acting on impulses that have grave consequences.  Which means even if you feel this need to open the airplane door and or run around naked in the flight, your amygdala will  help you control these instincts and go like "Hey slow down fella! you may get jailed or die for that". So you see fear is an important part of being because it not only helps us judge things effectively but also helps us from having a face off with a tiger or face jail time. 

However, not all of us have the same fears, some sky dive from an airplane while others are even scared to get on one. But, once we remove our selves from the misconception that fear is only for the weak, we stop labeling ourselves weak because we feel it. 


FEARFULLY HAPPY


We just established before that there should be absolutely no shame in having fears but that does not mean we should let it run our lives. Changing perception towards fear is the first step, once we realise fear is good for us and helpful the negative effect it has on us especially of embarrassment vanishes. I for one can openly talk about my fears and insecurities whereas I know many that cannot. 

Fear not only protects us from dangerous situation but if effectively managed can transform our lives.


How? 

Fear of not doing what you love motivates you to work harder on your passion and dreams. 
Fear of having poor health motivates you to change your life. 

Even our ancestors started to use survival skills like hunting, farming with the fear of starvation. 


Fear lets us know that something needs to be done for us to survive. 

And as for my fear of flying? Well, it just tells me that I need to  travel way more to essentially master it. ;) Any excuse I can get. Am I right? 

So, be fearfully proud and happy because fear is your friend. 


Plus, in order to be fearless one has to overcome fears!

Let people know how fearfully happy you are regardless of its a plan ride or starting a new project. Ahem Ahem I am looking at you people! Embrace your fear. (
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