Tuesday, December 5, 2017

Why You Should Un-plan Your Life









I have been a planner, dreamer since I was a child, it was an escape from the mundaness of life, a reality I was not willing to accept.


Which bring me to this year 2017, man! what a year has this been! So many lessons learned, many mistakes made and I am glad.

Here is Why?

Escaping from the mundaness was the main theme of my life, which made me do two very big things.

Jump into things cause I fell in love with the idea
Fight my reality 


When you start dissing the mundaness and start planning these romanticized ideas of your life, the idea stands out more than the actual process does, but fortunately or unfortunately life is at the process y'all not at the end result. You have one result to show at the end but what you lived through? Well, the process? That is where you grew and lived.

And if you didn't accept the process because it was too mundane then when did you live?

I always fell in the romanticised idea of things falling into place!

That was the problem, wanting everything as planned.

But,

 Damn! that is so not how life works out.

Can You Do The CHA-CHA with life?

Life is a loosely based planning done with outcomes in mind that if you persevere backtrack, take detours you will finally reach it and while you detest the journey, that is where the beauty lies.

And as I jumped from one romanticized idea of life onto another a thought thrown at me stopped me in the tracks.

Never fall in the love with the path you chose so much so that you have trouble falling in love anything else. 

You think your parents, elders had it figured out? All planned out? Maybe some did, but did it always go to the plan ? Nope. Rarely.  They improvised.

And let me tell you it feels good to improvise.

When You Improvise 

Faliures seem more like lessons 

Detachment feels more like Awanerness 

and the MOST Important one!

Mundaness feels beautiful

So, even though the plan is always to reach a goal or a vision the heart  always lies in the detour ?


Here are few exercises you can do to help you deal with your detour:







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Wednesday, November 29, 2017

How Anita's Knee Injury Can Save Your Life



The Devestation of the Injury 


It was dibilitating, twisting and turning she clenched her knee, the pain raced down her back her entire body and she saw herself shut down, was she hurt? Yes.


The pain started from her knee and spread all over, she was trying to control it and ignore but just couldn't.


Honestly, she did not want to burden anyone. At times, the paint took shot at multiple parts of her body but she continued, she did not want people to know, what if they thought she was acting up for NO REASON?



Self- Doubt and Self Loathing 


Was it a decietful act? Was she needy for attention? She was not but wondering if people thought so scared her from taking any action.


Somedays, the pain was mild almost not existent, she would go on her day without a glinch, get-together with friends? She was there. Errands? All done. She was on top of her game those days.


And then, somedays she just was not. Everything took extra effort, getting off her bed, dressing up was a task. She smiled and tried to ignore her excruciating pain, angry and confused she wondered if it was all in her head? Was she just lazy, over emotional or unstable?


She kept all these racing thoughts to herself scared of what people might think of her, the judgements and lables, what would they be? Would they think I was weak?


 Then one day she just could not take it. When living became an option and not a neccessity, she knew what to do.

She dialed a number, "Hello, Can I speak to your therapist?" 

On the other line

"What is this for?" 


Acceptance 


She after years of denial, of trying to shove motivational quotes and ted talks to try and out run this, win this became totally vulnerable.

"I need help, I can't eat, sleep, think. I feel like I may have depression." 

There. She said it. Cause you and I both know a knee injury would not cause so much resentment and confusion. A knee injury would have no stigma.

So, here it is, a simple plea. Just like Anita, start to understand that physical and mental issues are factors that affect our biological exisistence.


It is not made up or all in the head, it is sometimes genetic or hormonal. It is sometimes due to trauma or injury. It is not just "in the head" or cause of someone being "lazy".


If we had a knee injury and realized it was affecting your overall well-being we go to the doctor then why not do do the same thing for your mental health?


Disclaimer: I am not a medical practioner, just someone who believes in mental health and well-being.


Happy reflecting! and Accepting. Ain't nothing wrong with asking for help!

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Monday, November 27, 2017

The Power Of Understanding That Sometimes It Will Not Make Sense



So, I am not proud of this but I was big on romance novels until I realised most thrived on idealistic views of love and life.

 I loved the idea of the climatic scene where things would go wrong and fall magically back in place in the preceeding chapters.

Unfortunately, this distorted a large part of my reality......

.......... and perhaps yours too.


Embrace the No-Sense (Not a grammatical error)


Regardless, which gnere you read normally books have a  whimsical touch that makes you wonder, reflect and unfold. The story comes effortlessly together and it all makes sense for the most part.

However, the reality is slightly different or in this case a whole lot different.

The truth is, sometimes it really really won't make sense and while I look back on the things that has gone down and we all have them, the ones that make your pupil dialect and go Yikes, yes  those moments.

What followed was not clarity or whimsical endings, Nope. But, a whole lot of okay none of that made sense.

Why does the hardworker fall behind ?
You not get the recognition you deserve? 
Why does bad things happen to good people?
Why did she leave the good guy?


Trying to make sense of all of it can be as tiresome as experiencing them, so while we wait for the melocholic closure that may never come

we wait, wait to eventually find out that sometimes things are not meant to make sense or come togther, sometimes its all about falling apart and not needing to understand why or when.

Letting go of the past renditions in which we live, trying to find profound meanings in intense past events we play in our head. Maybe, its time to let go, maybe the only thing you were supposed to know from it, you ready for this?




1 2 3 is to Let Go............


The only thing that makese sense? Letting go of the things that  doesn't make sense.

So, you ready lets do this together.

You and I.
1
2
3
4
5

Repeat after me. Sometimes it won't make sense and it is not my job to make any sense of it.

Really, its not. And as we read this last line lets make it whimsical, let's...........................(okay, that was all I could do)


Have great day or night (wink wink) was that too much? The wink I mean I was trying something, maybe it makes no sense? See, what I did there. I think we can all agree that you have had enough of me today so go and  Embrace the no-sense!






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Thursday, November 23, 2017

Being Worthy and Being Qualified Are Different Things





What does it mean to be worthy ?

You might say….

A relevant CV could mean for you to be worthy of the job ?
A relevant college essay could be that you are worthy of enrolment in the program ?
A relevant life choice makes you worthy of a better life?


Lets stop right there. Because what we have here is a classic mix-up, the one where you intentionally or unintentionally mix- up two very importantly different categories, which ones you say? Worthiness and Qualification.

You are qualified for the job cause of the CV you built, you are qualified for that college because of the essay but you are worthy of both even if you don’t have outstanding records.


You are worthy of having everything you want because you just are.

I am going to use classic Nepali examples

Yes, you guess it Ram and Hari to demonstrate this.


Ram and Hari had the same childhood, dysfunctional family, poor grades well in general life was a messy.

However,

Ram always believed that despite of what he went through he was worthy of good things in life, which led him to aiming at better decision because he just knew he deserved a better life.

Hari on the other hand because of his poor grades believed that he was not worthy of better choices in life, he mulled over the past and believed that he was deemed unworthy of a good life, which made him stagnant and deviate for something that he could settle for, away from what he actually wanted to do. 

Who do you think was happier?

Now, for the longest time I had a similar mix-up, I waited for my qualifications and my achievement to validate me, make me feel worthy.

And, I am not proud of this and you won’t be either sometimes I used peoples validation to feel worthy too.

Which sucked, cause quite frankly peoples view of you is constantly changing and so is the validation they provide.

Similarly, life is never a steep-up curve is it? It has those bumps, you know the ones in relationships, work, health so when we are wedged between these crannies should we just deem ourselves unworthy?

You all will give me a resounding No but the truth is we usually do this, use the externals to deem ourselves not unworthy.

We use our past incidents that we had no control over be used as our benchmark for worthiness.

But, ask yourself this how many times have you let the idea that you are not worthy of something stop you from achieving something you want?

Lack of qualification can be fixed, you can simply learn that skill and get qualified.



But, how will you convert your unworthiness to worthy?

Through peoples words or your achievements?

How far can external validation work when it has been one of the main reasons for many people feeling dissatisfied?

So, what you need to realize and what took me perhaps years to realise is despite your past or the fear you may have the future, you are always worthy of the good things in life. Always.


You are worthy cause you are human, yup that is it. No other pretext needed, you check boxes, none.

You deserve all good things cause you are worthy. You are worthy cause you just are.



Side note: You deserve love and joy without the pain. (Some of you clicked with this did you not?) You are welcome!

Happy winter guys!



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Thursday, September 14, 2017

Your Passion Will Not Please You. Not Always.






I have written many posts on passion or the rather on the redundant and over used titles of "Do what you love". But as I am reaching my mid 20's I have come to realize that its not about doing what you love but sticking to what you love even when at that particular moment you do not enjoy it.

And as I listen to positive vibe mixes on youtube with their perfect peach butt emoji like thumbnail, I can't help but really question is life all about doing what you love? In my recent series of knowledge and incidents of my life, it definitely is not, even the youtube click bait remix over done  edm music took perhaps hours to compile and while in our heads we see a cool looking hipster dude busting out the beats while throwing his hand in the air, while the peach emoji girl hands him his favorite drink the reality can possibly be a sweaty dude probably with diet coke in his hand slogging good hours in the back doors of his study or ragidity old studio putting in his 110% even if he does not want to.

Unfortunately, while you and I both would love to think and believe that doing what we love will always feel like a vacation the truth is it usually feels like conscious decision. A decision to forgo your ego, learn and grow. To leave out the things you like to do things that you need. Late nights to make good work happen, rather then drunken nights with your friends.



A whole lot of creative difference, dealing with new people, questioning your talent, questioning your work, questioning what works and what does not. Your passion is not their to please you, its not their to tell you hey its okay slack away you deserve it, its their to make you feel uncomfortable as you waste your years youtubing food recipes you will not make, its about giving it your all even when you do not really want to.

Its at times putting yourself out there being vulnerable and honest and at time working hard and still not getting the results.

Passion is not perfection.

I hope this helped those that feel lost even whilst doing the things they love. Sometimes you are not supposed to love the things you usually love. Its about doing the things you love even when you really don't love it at that particular moment. 
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Tuesday, August 1, 2017

Chips Chilly or Aloo Dum? What kind of Nepali Are You & Does it Matter?





The standard food ordering for any Nepali consists of momo, some kind of chilli and a fried starch.

Hence, on one particular day just like most times,  my friends and I ensued in the standard proceedings of ordering food

1.Chicken momo
2. Chips Chilli
3. Chicke....fooled you, we decided to go with something a little different and went with Veg fried rice this time. Everyone likes change.


But today as we were going with standard checklist of food and about to wrap up a friend from the corner yelled out " Dai euta aloo dum". We all looked at him  kind of amused by this, although a  not so strange addition to the usual ordering it rather a small deviation from the standard. 

If you don't know by now my love for food is endless and hence my friends and I welcome this addition with open arms.

Is the comparison making you hungry? Okay. Okay. I will get to the point.

Now, in life a friend may not take the path of aloo dum but instead his/her difference in choice could be in the life he leads, the outfit she wears and the way  they live.

While Aloo dum is welcoming, him embracing is sexuality or passion may not be.

You may not understand it or find his way of life worthy of acceptance.

And, while the potato chilli or aloo chilli debate is not as debatable, how someone lives their life
certainly becomes one.

 For generaaaaaationnnnnsss we have heard insert annoying aunty voice "What will people think?" and diligently obliged to the unforeseen rules and costs of just being ourselves.

The cost ? It can range from back handed comments to honor killing. Killing just because the society fails to accept or understand their choices.






And although acceptance and respect something all of us deserve it becomes the hardest to give and what ensues as a result? Judgement.

Judgement we pass on the good decision and the bad.
On the passionates and the passives
On the dreamers, the non-dreamers and the doers
On the living and the dead

We  let judgement take over and go after those who tried loaded mash potato instead of the chips chilly or even those who do not like potatoes at ( Yes, there are people who do not like potatoes. I know. Unbelievable).



The point here is, potatoes on the side or no potatoes at all when judging someone for their food sounds unusual, why doesn't judging someone who is simply trying to do their best life?  







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Sunday, July 23, 2017

If you have ever felt judged read this.......





Judgement takes an instant to make, you may have made one looking at this post just now. While having a judgement is fairly common, when it is directed towards you and challenges your beliefs and life choices it can be extremely life consuming and difficult to swallow. Why? Because you are at crossroad now, wanting to change the perception of the someone who judged you and annoyed for their right to.

If only there is way to get out of this.

What if I told you there is?


A few years ago I had gone to a Mata (the enlightened) woman many of us go to perhaps to make sense of our unforeseeable future,  she put 3 grains of rice on her hands looks up at me and me and says.

" You will have a good future ahead, but you need be careful as people may misunderstand you."


At that moment what she said had rung true and I gleamed in gratitude for I had found someone who truly understood me. As a young girl who was bullied for 2 years straight, I was extremely conscious of how people perceived me.

Constantly worried of how my actions were interpreted, it did not help that I had the resting bitch face to go with it.

When Mata told me what I already knew, it became my "Yes! Yes! Yes!" moment I know how you read that you cheeky fellow, but quite frankly to have been understood so deeply by someone when I felt alone was everything to me.

Hence, I took her advice seriously and did my very best and became extraaaaaa careful of not being misjudged. However, soon I realized  what that meant.

- Doing nothing
-Saying nothing

Going against my natural state of expressing was hard and soon went to bust when some tried to pick a fight with me cause I looked mean.

Now, I could try and change a lot of my behavior to not get judged but I only had this one face was and I was not ready to give that.

So, I gave up trying not to be misjudged and instead tried understood why people judged only to find out way not to give a F*** when they did.




1. People change all the time:


People and perception change all the time, it depends on your actions, their mood, their current state and so much more. Whether it is acceptance or rejection towards you, the whole point of holding on to what people think of you too tight seems mindless because when the perceptions are so fleeting why shouldn't your emotion attached to the perception be aswell?







2. It is not their job



Why do people try to do well in their jobs, due to incentives. Incentives that come in various forms; social standing, money, a sense of self worth and more. But, what incentive do they have to not make a judgement about you? None or very little. I guess you know where I am going with this, with freedom speech and no taxation on judgement, people be making it left and right.


3. Face the reality


As much as writing inspiring things motivates people, there should always be a strong ring of honesty in what is being said. And the reality sadly is that sometimes people will simply not get you, no matter how  hard you may have tried to make them understand.Its neither their fault or yours, but a clash between beliefs, nurture and nature that affects it all. So face it, you will piss off people in your life time, and people will you piss you off.

Some people will not get you and you wont get them.

Lastly.

4. Cliche Advise still holds true : Get Over It! 


I know its too cliche to use this over and over again but just get over it, one opinion or even a million does not seem to be worth losing out or giving in on being the person you intent to be and while this is not a free pass to act mean and rude it is a pass to take breather and just do what you need to without the overrated idea that people need to get you because the truth of the matter is sometimes they will and sometimes they won't.






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