Sunday, April 6, 2014

So at times your heart thuds a little. So what ?

Thud thud… there it goes again, thud one more time like an unanswered door ring, like the phone call from your annoying ex it keeps ringing yet you never pick up. Sometimes you can call it, a stage performance, presentation and first date but here today I was just getting ready to go to class, thud thud you fasten your pace again. I try to ignore you but wait thud, you persist.
and so it goes..

Take a deep breathe, do not think about it but thud, its still here stop the movement! Stop shaking your hand. Take a deep breathe, do it. Doesn’t it work? Try it again. Thoughts pace back and forth, why the thud, breathe heavy grip tightens. Hold yourself it might go away, think positive it will go away. Don’t wonder about it, it’s just a feeling. Oh you went away? Happy relived. I wake up breaking sweat was it a nightmare? Thud, thud your back again. Why are you here? What caused you to thud, am I scared? Angry ? Sad? Or upset? Why are you here again?

They said: “Hie how are you?”  ,You: “ I am fine”  (lie thud thud), smiling yet you thud, joking yet your there, eating and sleeping but thud thud. Anxieties are common to all of us, for some its more common than others. Frustration builds when anxieties cannot be attributed to any emotion and yet goes on for so long you feel as though it is a part of you. It is all too familiar the gradual thud without a reason or sometimes with. Overcoming anxieties is a difficult matter, your mind in these situation do only those things that you told it not too. It could feel relentless but the only definite way to get over it is to not let the feeling consume you. So what? you have a little thud in your heart, its beating more that it should, you are angry, sad, happy stop labelling yourself as weak because stress and pressure gets you. Do not let the fear of feeling fear stop you from being you. Smile through the thud take it as your morning coffee something strong but eventually a tool to make realise you’re up and living.

Days have gone by trying to ignore the thud, yet it is still there you wonder why what and whens, why you feel the way you feel. Stop looking for reasons. Just breathe. It is much easier said then done. But its not impossible. Yes, crumble and cry for a bit but later pick up those crumbs make a ladoo and eat it! Just as the anxieties came they will go so let it be.

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