Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Are you scared of criticism and praise? If so.................................................(Read This)

Are you afraid of praises or criticism ?

Marketing yourself is a skill I am still trying to master. The problem is  not that I do not know how to market my work but doing so makes me feel like I am "saying too much" or that "all that I have done is because people have helped me". 

It was only recently that someone special spoke to be about the  impostor syndrome that made me wonder if I have it. Yes, I resonated with the google definition of the term so I am guessng there is much more to that. 

The impostor syndrome, what is it? It's when an individuals does not have the ability to internalize their achievementsWhen this person has success, they are quick to to attribute it to luck and timing, often belittling everything they do. The word impostor here implies that when you and I work, we feel that we do not deserve the success, hence we have this fear of being exposed, someone will look through us and start believing what we believe, that we do not deserve our success. Am I making up Impostor syndrome? I wish, personalities like Kate Winslett and Tina Fey have openly talked about being or feeling like an impostor so did Dr Chan, Chief of World Health Organization. Hence, you very well know I am not making this up! 

Many of us have trouble admitting our successes and taking compliments,  phrases like " Aw thanks but its not all that great! ", "Stop it!" shoots right out almost like a reflex. But when someone points out our short comings, we compromise our sleep, lives and everything in between to convince ourselves that they were right. 

The problem with people like us is we like to look for "reasoning" in everything. Reasons why we succeeded and reasons on why people may have criticized us.  

Why did that thing in the past become successful? Why did people like it? Why did I win that?


But,  what we need to know is it was successful because it was successful. The more we try to give reasons to our successes the more the impostor in us jumps out, telling us "No, your not good at what you do, it was only because someone helped you, or it was fluke, or that the timing was right." All these self defeating doubts only prompt you to work in a manner that makes you fall short of what you are expected to do. You start becoming scared, you refuse to define yourself with work. 

You are not a blogger, you just write sometimes, you are not an artist, you just do some sketches. All though people admire our work, for what it is which is good work. The problem was not that people did not believe in us, it was because we did not believe in our self


How do we stop this from affecting us? How do we silence the impostor in us?

Stop giving success a name, just look at it as a result of work you put in, think of what you could have done instead of doing that work, but you choose work. Many people would choose other things but you still choose work, success is just your work talking nothing less nothing more. 

And then the criticism comes along, and we do what we know best we attach reasoning by asking questions "Why did he or she say that about me?" "Why did he feel that?" "Am I doing something to make him feel like that?", the answer to these questions follow self defeating beliefs.

Next time you find success know that it was you being rewarded for the opportunity cost of perhaps watching netflix or mindlessly being on the internet. It is your reward for putting a few hours of your day for the work you do instead of doing something else. You deserve every bit of your success because you did the work. 

No comments:

Post a Comment