It is called Cherophobia, the fear of joy in life and it is not an insane thing to have.
It happened almost suddenly I was very happy about something, I do not remember why I was happy but I remember this fear made feel. I was anxious and it did not make sense, "normal people" would not be thinking of such in that moment, my life was going exactly as planned, I may have achieved something, had love in my life or a purpose I always had fear, but the fear of it being "too good to be true", the fear that "it may not be the same after a time passes." robbed me of the happiness. I was scared of being happy because past had taught me that it may not last.
I was just waiting for all of it to go to Sh** because well that was what I had witnessed in the past. Anxieties would rise up and the so called happy moment would be a cause of concern. In a "great moment" I would start wondering, "how much would this last?" "I hope this last ", instead of just taking in all in and enjoying the opportunity to appreciate it.
The power of not thinking, not analyzing and connecting the dots is immense, why ? Because we often look for reference when we want to make sense of something or in this scenario why a person was scared in such a happy time? This question sends triggers all over and the mind goes deep with in pull something applicable from our past.
But, it turns out learning lessons from the past is not always that great. Yes, this is contrary to what most people say, learn from your past! never repeat them mistakes, but don't you? and don't you go "UGH! I should not have I known better?" Yes we all have. So it turns out learning from the past does not always work, you do not always learn and it may even not be good for you.
We have to do what suits us, not follow formulas and rules that other people give. I was reading Robin Sharma's book once and the celebrated author just did not click with me, Not saying he was not right and that I was wrong. I just could not relate. I tried hard to finish that book because I had heard such good things about it. But I just could not. A book that was supposedly giving me reasons to live was making me want to kill myself (not literary). It was frustrating! Then I just stopped reading that book. It was good decision, I stopped putting pressure on myself to love something that I in fact hated.
Now coming back to the whole reason I told you this facade of a story, you and I maybe different, we may have fears about happiness but that does not mean there is not something to help us. The power of not thinking did what Robin Sharma could not get me do. I realized making sense and diving into the pool of my past was simply making me resent my present happiness. It does not have to be that one way. If you feel fear during happiness, thinking to yourself "is my fear of happiness right now cause of my past?" If the answer is yes probably that is not path worth venturing into.
We must stop thinking we are an exception, we were not just chosen for unhappiness despite of what the past says, we were given equal opportunity to be happy. It is and was only a matter of how we use it, stuck in the past or by living in the present.
FEAR OF JOY
It happened almost suddenly I was very happy about something, I do not remember why I was happy but I remember this fear made feel. I was anxious and it did not make sense, "normal people" would not be thinking of such in that moment, my life was going exactly as planned, I may have achieved something, had love in my life or a purpose I always had fear, but the fear of it being "too good to be true", the fear that "it may not be the same after a time passes." robbed me of the happiness. I was scared of being happy because past had taught me that it may not last.
I was just waiting for all of it to go to Sh** because well that was what I had witnessed in the past. Anxieties would rise up and the so called happy moment would be a cause of concern. In a "great moment" I would start wondering, "how much would this last?" "I hope this last ", instead of just taking in all in and enjoying the opportunity to appreciate it.
STOP LOOKING AT YOUR PAST FOR ANSWERS
The power of not thinking, not analyzing and connecting the dots is immense, why ? Because we often look for reference when we want to make sense of something or in this scenario why a person was scared in such a happy time? This question sends triggers all over and the mind goes deep with in pull something applicable from our past.
But, it turns out learning lessons from the past is not always that great. Yes, this is contrary to what most people say, learn from your past! never repeat them mistakes, but don't you? and don't you go "UGH! I should not have I known better?" Yes we all have. So it turns out learning from the past does not always work, you do not always learn and it may even not be good for you.
YOU DO YOU BOO!
We have to do what suits us, not follow formulas and rules that other people give. I was reading Robin Sharma's book once and the celebrated author just did not click with me, Not saying he was not right and that I was wrong. I just could not relate. I tried hard to finish that book because I had heard such good things about it. But I just could not. A book that was supposedly giving me reasons to live was making me want to kill myself (not literary). It was frustrating! Then I just stopped reading that book. It was good decision, I stopped putting pressure on myself to love something that I in fact hated.
YOU ARE NOT AN EXCEPTION !
Now coming back to the whole reason I told you this facade of a story, you and I maybe different, we may have fears about happiness but that does not mean there is not something to help us. The power of not thinking did what Robin Sharma could not get me do. I realized making sense and diving into the pool of my past was simply making me resent my present happiness. It does not have to be that one way. If you feel fear during happiness, thinking to yourself "is my fear of happiness right now cause of my past?" If the answer is yes probably that is not path worth venturing into.
We must stop thinking we are an exception, we were not just chosen for unhappiness despite of what the past says, we were given equal opportunity to be happy. It is and was only a matter of how we use it, stuck in the past or by living in the present.
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