Thursday, July 31, 2014

The demons in you are your friends.

In grade 9 I was nominated to become the class rep, I went from being liked and loved one day,  to being  hated the next. Its amazing to notice the degree of hate a high schooler can exhibit, the things you fight in high school your no less than a survivor well some of us atleast. I think the reason why bullying is a part of almost all my vision, ideas inspirations is because it actually made me. My demise began in grade 9 where I went from looking up to the skies for brighter days to days of endlessness. Where everything moved slow and I sat there sinking deeper in my seat, deeper sometimes wishing the floors could engulf me. And so I tumbled from being okay to being the worst student in the class, I remember the time I got 18 out of 100 in a maths test. It was well quite something. I have never been that ashamed of myself ever in my life. The ground slipped from underneath me as people stood by passing comments like “how could she get 18?”. It made me feel the stupidest person there is.

This evolved onto a thought process and eventually created my demons slurred speech, poor confidence, low self esteem and worst of  all ungratefulness. I am still the girl that got 18 in that math test, I used to be ashamed of that but we all have demons we live with. We just have to learn to accept them. The day I looked at myself and said hey the grade doesn’t mean I am stupid.  The name calling doesn’t mean anything . The truth lies in you. Your demons are not there to beat you down or screw you up. There are there for something bigger.

They stop you from being ungrateful they remind of who you should not become. Cause if you survived something in life it was because you can. Because you are that brave enough, this will cause a few demons to break out obviously but its not the end, you need not hide behind them all your life. Your demons are like that scar from a painful fall, the ache from your first heart ache it helps you be stronger grateful that hey! Listen I survived that fall, that heart ache and of embarrassment of  being called stupid or bullied. You survived it all and your demons are a proof of that. So do not shoo it off accept it. I know my demons are of being called stupid or insecure again, but hey I know the truth so do my demons and if I survived being called stupid for petty grades I can survive it one more time. What matter is you and only you. What you think of you and I intelligent, confident and I have demons. So do you.. so what ?

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